


The Red Paladin

by confusedcoffee



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance - Freeform, Laith, M/M, Oneshot, klance, lance/keith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 04:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15856311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confusedcoffee/pseuds/confusedcoffee
Summary: Lance can no longer cope with the insecurities he'd built up over the year and a half. Will he be able to come to terms with who he truly is and what he is worth?





	The Red Paladin

**Author's Note:**

> ***warning: spoilers from season 3 and onward!***
> 
> Thank you to all decided to give my oneshot a shot!

"I don't have time for this, Lance!"

Ah, there it is again.

"Hey everyone, Keith is back!"

He tried to ignore the sharp pain that stung inside him. He was getting used to it anyway. But he didn't think Keith of all people would react so virulently.

Yes, he understood that the mission at hand had higher priorities than his own needs. He knew this all too well, yet he couldn't help the stinging in his chest.

"Lotor has been lying to all of us. We need to get to him."

And so he followed.

"Roger that, team leader."

**

Ever since Blue had shut him out of her life, he felt so lost. Blue had _chosen_ him. She chose him as the paladin, and for once he had felt he was important. For once, he felt he was meant to serve the greater good. But now, he wasn't so sure.

Yes, Red had chosen Lance as the current paladin, but he knew deep in his heart that Red didn't belong to him. Red and Keith's bond is unbreakable, and much stronger than what Lance was able to form for the past year. Even if Keith had left for the Blade of Marmora, even if he had given up Red for Lance, a part of Lance still believed that he is not the Red Paladin. The Red Paladin is Keith.

_The Red Paladin is Keith._

_The Red Paladin is not Lance._

Lance rested his chin close to his knees, tucking himself into a tight corner, looking out into the dark ocean of stars.

_No, I need to focus. There's too much at stake for me to be mulling over this._

_What I need to do is train and become stronger._

In the past year Keith had left for the Blade of Marmora, Lance tried to strengthen his link in the team to support Shiro again as the Black Paladin, and to support Allura in her new lion. He needed to be the best second-in-command he can be so that Shiro can rely on him, and he needed to be there to guide Allura in case she has trouble with Blue during their missions. He understood connecting with and piloting a lion is completely different from flying a castle.

He improved his shooting during missions, sniping away at enemies who tried to hurt any of his teammates. He was still the goofball to lighten the mood in the team when situations became dire, much to the annoyance of all his teammates. He was okay with that, as long as it took some stress from their minds, even if it was at the expense of his own insecurities.

_Lance is the goofball._

_I'm the seventh wheel._

_What exactly am I good at?_

_Would Shiro have liked it better if Keith was his right hand?_

_Why did Keith leave?_

Too many thoughts rushed through his head. Too many thoughts of "what-ifs."

Lance covered his ears and dug into his head, closing his eyes shut to calm himself down. The swirls of voices and thoughts in his head made him feel dizzy.

He felt out of control.

"Just...stop...talking!"

He didn't know what to do.

"Hey."

Lanced squinted his eyes open to see who it was.

It was Keith. He was wearing his red and white jacket. He had changed out of his suit. Keith used to slim into that jacket, but now Lance could easily see the lining of Keith's muscle.

"Hey," he replied weakly. He tried to put up a smile, but to no avail.

"Welcome back to the team! Your mullet is as hideous as ever."

"Hey! That's uncalled for!" Lance noticed the black paladin's little habit of crossing his arms when he feels he's being threatened.

Lance chuckled, "Relax, Keith. I'm not here to pick a fight. Anyways, how's the plan coming along?"

Keith was taken aback by how subdued Lance was. He expected Lance to prick him again with another insult, just as he had done in the past. But now, nothing.

"Yeah, the plan's coming along alright."

"And...you're not gonna tell me about it?"

"We need to wait for Allura to come back before anything happens. We'll basically need to neutralize Lotor the moment he comes back with Allura."

"Right.."

"Okay, listen. I didn't come here to talk about our plans with Lotor. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. I was just...too focused on the mission."

"You always are, and there's nothing wrong with that."

Keith was taken aback again. He..had expected Lance with his usual snarky comments; he had even imagined Lance to say, "So you aren't the grizzled, cooler older brother of Keith!"

He'd expected Lance to be downright angry with him for the way he treated him. The fire that was in Lance, the rivalry he had created...was just not there.

The raven-haired boy had also realized that Lance was sweating profusely. Lance was breathing much heavier than usual, and his shoulders were visibly tense.

Keith leans in closer to get a better look at Lance's condition. Perhaps he has a fever, Keith guessed. He reached his hand out to check Lance's forehead.

"Lance...is everything alright? You don't look so good; maybe we should let you lie down and--"

Lance waved Keith's hand away.

"I'm fine, I'm just..getting ready before I start training again."

"..You train?"

"How else would I protect the team, then?"

Keith saw the pained expression on Lance's face. His usual vibrant blue eyes were now completely dimmed.

"No, you're not okay. Look, I know it's been a while since we've talked and all, but...you know you can always come to me."

"Don't lie to me, Keith. You've been gone for the past year, risking your life in the Blade of Marmora. There's no way I would have contacted you under these circumstances."

Keith was surprised by Lance's acerbic response. Lance looked so dejected, but the reflection in his eyes showed regret for his choice of words.

"Sorry...forget what I said. I'm gonna go train with Red."

 

**

 

He couldn't connect with Red.

The ease he felt with Blue was not there with the Red lion. All he felt was anxiety and frustration.

_God dammit...if I can't connect with Red now, then we'll be in serious trouble in a real battle._

Lance took another deep breath and started meditating again. He tried to call on Red, feeling the engine with his gloved hands.

"Please...Red. Please talk to me."

Nothing. Just nothing.

He wasn't meant to pilot the Red lion. He wasn't meant to be a paladin at all.

"Looks like someone's having trouble," he heard someone mock from behind.

On reflex, Lance immediately pinned the person down on the ground and aimed his rifle at the potential infiltrator.

He realized it was Keith.

"K-Keith?"

Lance set his bayard down and relaxed his body against Keith's. He could feel the raven boy panting heavily under him. He heaved out a huge sigh.

"Keith...you scared the hell out of me. I thought someone infiltrated the Red lion!"

Keith chuckled, "And just who the hell was gonna have access to this place other than the paladins?"

"Right..."

Lance got up and helped Keith up as well.

The black paladin was honestly impressed by how alert the red paladin was. He was much more aware of his surroundings, more prepared to protect the lions at all cost.

"It seems like you're having trouble connecting with Red. Is everything alright?"

"Okay, you need to stop asking me that. I'm fine, and I'm just having difficulty _this once_ connecting with Red. Now stop bothering me."

That was a total lie. Ever since Red chose Lance as the new paladin, he hadn't been able to form a deeper connection with Red.

"Look, Lance. I'm asking because it's written all over your face that you're not okay. Stop lying to yourself and to me. Let me help you."

"Listen, you really need to stop butting yourself into my life. Let me spell it out for you: _I'm fine._ I've been able to deal with this myself in the past, and now won't be any different."

Lance had changed. Lance had changed so much.

On the exterior, no one would have ever noticed this small shift. If anything, everyone could at least tell that Lance was improving as a soldier. Other than that, he still acted as the goofball, still filled the role of releasing everyone's tension. But on the inside...he had completely closed himself off from the rest of his teammates, shut out his emotions.

"Lance...you came to me once about your problems, and it made me incredibly happy. It felt like you trusted me. I just want you to know that this still hasn't changed between us. You still can come and talk to me, and I mean it."

Lance became furious.

"That was a _year ago!_ Things _have_ changed between us, Keith, and you can't deny that. Fine, let's say I did come to you about my insecurities that _one_ instance. But you know what happened? **_You left the team_**. You stepped aside as a paladin, when **_I_** should have left. Me talking about my problems only pushed you farther away. None...none of us deserved that."

The roar in Lance's voice rang inside the Red lion. Lance's eyes were wet with small drops of tears, and Keith could hear him hold back his sobs through his sniffles.

Keith had never seen Lance so furious. This is his first time truly seeing Lance with his raw emotions. He realized all this time Lance had been putting up a front to preserve the harmony of the team, and to preserve himself.

"We needed you, Keith, and you left. I didn't know what to think of it, only to say that I'm 'happy' for the decision that you made for yourself."

Keith wasn't much of a comforter; he was never good with his words.

"And why exactly would the team have needed me, Lance? We saw that Shiro, the _original_ black paladin, is now able to pilot again. I wasn't needed as the leader anymore. And Red had chosen you to pilot now. I didn't fit in with the picture anymore, and you did bring up a good point: we don't need six paladins. It was only logical for me to have left."

"But the Black Lion had also chosen _you_ as the paladin! Yes, I'm happy that Shiro is back as the original pilot, but...Black or Red didn't shut you out like Blue did to me. And let's be real here..I am the weakest link in the team. No matter how much I train, no matter how much stronger I get, I'll never be as strong as you, Keith. We don't have time to save face and let someone pilot because of their pride. We need the best soldiers in the frontlines. Everyone in the team would agree."

Now Keith was becoming furious. How dare he say-- ** _he's_** the weakest link? And what's this about 'letting' Lance pilot Red? What load of bullshit is he talking about?

Keith grabbed the red paladin by the collar of his suit, and butted his head against Lance's.

"But what do **you** want, Lance?! Why are you so unhappy with the fact that you're still a paladin, and Shiro's back? Why are you so upset that I left to the point you can't connect with Red?! What's making you think that you're the weakest link?! Is it because Blue shut you out? Is it because you're no longer the blue paladin anymore?!"

Keith screwed up. Everything just came out wrong from his mouth.

Lance roared back.

"It's because **_I needed you,_** you jerk! You...you were the only one I could've turned to about my problems, and you just went up and **_left!_** I trusted you...I thought I finally found the friend I was looking for, and yet...when you said you're leaving the team, what the **_hell_** was I supposed to think..? I couldn't stop you from your decisions and I--"

Lance couldn't hold back his tears. He let out a sob and pushed Keith away. He covered his face so that Keith wouldn't see his ugly crying.

"I needed to become stronger. For all of us. I needed to fill the role you left. I can't need a friend. I can't let my emotions get in the way of Voltron's victory."

Keith didn't understand. Why the hell would Lance need _him_ of all people? Lance had Hunk, Shiro, anyone he could've turned to who is emotionally much more adept than Keith could ever be.

"I know...I know that everyone is busy just trying to get by, battling enemy ships one after another. Pidge is busy reconfiguring Castle's system; Hunk's been repairing all the damages the Castle took from previous battles, with Coran as well. Allura's the princess for God's sake, she has no time to be squabbling about with this stupidity. And Shiro...Shiro's the most focused one out of all of us when it comes to missions, and who am I to break tha--"

"I'm not asking about other people's intentions or schedule, Lance. I'm asking what **_you_** want from me. What is it that you're looking for?"

Lance was taken aback by Keith's straightforward question. What _did_ he want? What exactly is it that makes him feel so frustrated? What is it that he's missing?

Then it dawned on him. It was so obvious, yet he was too stupid to realize it. Tears poured down his cheeks, and he no longer put a reign on his heart. He released everything he was holding.

"I just want to be **_heard,_** like what I'm contributing to the team matters. But I just don't know what to do when I can't even figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong. I just feel so stupid all the freaking time."

"God dammit. Even though I couldn't stand you always being a hundred steps ahead of me, I...I always felt the most needed when you were here. When you criticized me, when you...when you listened to me."

"It's just been...absolute **_hell_** trying to get up every day, thinking that I'll become a better paladin, a better teammate..but I don't even know if this is just false hope I have for myself. I don't even know if I've improved at all in the year and a half we've all been together."

Keith couldn't take it anymore. He wrapped his arms around Lance and pulled him closer, their bodies touching.

He had no idea that Lance had ever felt this way. He always thought that Lance had a stronger bond with the rest of their teammates, since he sees them always laughing and joking together. But that was only half the truth. Lance had, in reality, always been there to keep the peace and harmony within the team, but all at the expense of his own needs. He put up a barrier around his teammates, preventing them from getting too close to his vulnerability, and the only time he had shown his insecurities was to Keith.

The raven-haired boy had been too familiar with this scenario. He himself had always pushed people away before they got too close to him. Lance had also become too close to Keith, and he subconsciously felt so much fear that one day Lance will abandon him too. What Keith didn't realize is that he had abandoned Lance in the process.

And Keith understood why Lance wasn't able to connect with Red. A part of Lance had felt a constant guilt, feeling like he had stolen Red away from Keith.

"Lance...I know I'm not really good with words, so I don't know if anything I say will help you at all. But let me be honest with you...Uh...Thanks for sharing your feelings with me. I know how hard it is, because I rarely talk about my insecurities myself."

"And I'm sorry...for making you feel like I abandoned you. That...that's not why I left, at least those weren't my intentions. It was just so many things at once. After finding out I was part Galra, I needed to know who I really was. I knew I couldn't do that if I stayed with the team, pretending that I'm only human when I'm not. I wanted to find my own path, find purpose in what it means to be Galra and human. And luckily, I was able to find my mom, Krolia."

"And you never took Red away from me. I didn't give up Red to you simply because you wanted Red. I gave him to you because I knew you deserved to pilot him because of your indispensable skill and prowess as a paladin. And this is precisely why I entrusted you with Red. You are not the weakest link, Lance. You are the most integral part of the team, and I'm so proud of you for that."

Keith pulled Lance away from him to look him into those ocean blue eyes.

"You _are_ the Red paladin, no matter what you think or what others say about you. And just as you chose me to be the black paladin, I chose you to be the red paladin."

"But you can't keep rejecting Red this way...you need to accept the fact that you're the red paladin now."

Keith wiped the tears from Lance's face, making Lance cry even harder.

Lance laughed through his cries, "You know...I really don't hate you as much as I thought. Thanks..."

Keith chuckled, "Then stop crying, you big baby. We have a Galra to beat."

"Oh shut it, you mullet!"

And with that, the engine lit up red with the roar of the Red lion.

It seems Lance truly is the red paladin.


End file.
